I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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