This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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