I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
