you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
