Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
