Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
