Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
