you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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