it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
