Please, let me fuck your mom
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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