She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
