started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
