I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
