if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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