She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
