There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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