evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
