Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
