I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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