So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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