Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
