Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
