I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
