is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
