That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
