Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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