You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
