Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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