i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
