and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize