okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We have started to decorate penises.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
