end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize