I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
