I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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