haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
