I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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