so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
