I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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