that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize