I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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