please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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