i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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