just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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