Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
