sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
