he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
