i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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