why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
