I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
