he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
