he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
