If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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