I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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