Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
