the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
