I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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