Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How external is "for external use only"?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
