her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
