the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it's like iHOP with fire
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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