1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
