If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
