I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
