so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
