Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just pynch a tree in the face
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
