11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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