need another drink. this is the easiest way
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
