I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
