his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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