Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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