They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
