WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
