why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
