Having a random hookup so left but love u
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
