your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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