the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize