Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
