gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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