hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
