i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
