That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
