Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
