good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
