this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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