he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
