I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
