I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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