It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
