i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
