sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
