I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You pole danced in your parka.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
