He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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