I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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