Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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