are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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