used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
