i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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