We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize