She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I need to stop coming to work sober
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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