Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
