I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
