it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
